You can do anything..when you are a star” exemplifies rape culture.
I want to share a perspective that is not about endorsing or shunning political candidates. I think the political aspect is being fully addressed by many others quite thoroughly. I write today about rape culture. The phrase is used frequently in the work I do in the domestic and sexual violence field, but I think it is often misunderstood, ignored or maligned. This weekend’s conversations provide an opportunity to better understand the meaning of “rape culture” and to commit ourselves to take action to end it.
We have a candidate for President whose casual remarks about women are now the subject of great debate. The candidate’s comments are not only disrespectful and degrading to women, but actually include casual reference to criminal sex offenses.
In New York State, “a person is guilty of forcible touching when such person intentionally, and for no legitimate purpose, forcibly touches the sexual or other intimate parts of another person for the purpose of degrading or abusing such person; or for the purpose of gratifying the actor's sexual desire.” (New York Penal Law § 130.52)
The candidate said that he likes to grab women by the p—y and that he can because, “…when you’re a star, they let you do it… You can do anything.” Here is where the rape culture piece comes in. His comments were made in front of others who seemed to laugh and encourage his behavior. Now that the remarks have been made public, there are comments all over social media referring to “locker room talk” and “boys being boys”.
The presumption that power gives you the right to commit sex crimes is rape culture.
Laughing or staying silent in the midst of these statements is rape culture.
Dismissing these comments as the way men talk to each other in private is rape culture.
The current attention to the candidate’s comments is partly because we could hear them on tape.
It strikes me how the ability to hear the tape changes the conversation about these issues. Unfortunately, conversations like these are happening all the time, but they are happening in private.
What if all of us lived our lives assuming we had a hot mic capturing our words?
What if that same hot mic captured our laughter and our silence?
What is said in these “private” conversations informs what people think and how they act.
If we hope to end sexual violence in our lifetimes, we have to take the moral outrage we feel about this headline story and bring it to private conversations in our own lives. I want my grandchildren to grow up knowing, “You can’t do anything you want even if you are a star”. Are you with me?
